There are times in my life when something so bizarre and strange happens to me that i feel powerless and defenseless in the circumstances. It feels like there 's some part of me ordering control but i cannot help just stand aside and watch as a mute spectator, watch the events and see how they unfold.
I am a curious person in general, curious about the dark aspects of the human nature. Things like greed,fear,violence intrigue me to no end. I get shitless scared by horror movies but that's my motivation for watching them, however now i wonder is there more to this than what i have told myself to interpret.... Do i at some level enjoy those emotions so much that i am drawn towards it as a death magnet.
Things and events like this teach you something new about yourself, something which you never knew about and though you weren't capable of. They make you believe less in yourself. They sort of take your mind apart, mix up the chunks and put it back together again, but only you know somehow things aren't what they used to be, sure nothing has changed around you... but its they way you interpreted things that's changed now.
Events like these always gives you signs, long before they reveal themselves its just that you aren't looking for them, and then when they actually manifest we tend to cry foul and say that is not that was. And then looking back in hindsight it feels like you always knew this was coming but its just that you didn't want to accept it.
Why is it that we are like this, in matters concerning our well being and sanity we turn a blind eye and think that we can always get away with it. When they say "God is in all of us" i some how interpret it as there's Devil also in all of us, i mean it makes sense this way and we can justify our actions.
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